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I hope you read this. I really hope you do. Please. I'm better with poetry, with simple emotions, than I am with words. Who knows? You may never read this. You may never respond. You may have done what you said, and completely cut me out. But I have to try. Please.

As I read those words, blinking on my screen
I froze, not quite believing, before I began to cry
Great sobbing gulps as my nose began to run
A letter not meant to be cruel, and yet it was
Why couldn't you tell me before when you hurt? 
I'm stupid, I need things explained to me
You should know by now that I'm an idiot

Cut out again, left behind to trail behind
Struggling beneath boxes, bags, and loneliness

Snapshots colored in red, black, and blue

The words left unsaid, these moments of regret

Confusion and fear, sadness and anger

Tumbling around inside my head

I no longer know what I feel, what I believe or what I need to do

Having this thrown back in my face

Feeling the bitter bite of pain, tasting the juice of this shame

And knowing that the push and pull¸ this burden

Rests squarely on my shoulders, bowing me down

I knew it was rough, I knew it was bad

But I didn’t know how deeply that knife could cut

Severing the thin threads that bound us together

Frayed ever more thin in recent times

Casting aside years of love and fun

All because of me, my stupidity, my selfishness

My blindness to the cause

My immaturity

My inadvertent changes as I rolled with the punches of life

I’m so sorry
I love you, I miss you, I want to be your friend
All I have is hope and regret, down on my knees pleading
For forgiveness, a second chance

Please don’t shut me out

I’ll try again, try harder, try not to fail you again

And try this time to look outside my own small globe

So that I don’t have to be told when you hurt

I’m so sorry

So very, very sorry

Believe me





Feb. 16th, 2011 11:37 am (UTC)
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